Starring Michael Cera as you've never seen him before...

Dear Harry,

I just thought I would tell you the exciting news of a new movie role I have coming up. I play a witty, young guy who seems shy, but really has this great confidence underneath...which actually creates an endearing sweetness about him. I thought I'd branch out a bit from the familiar.

Love,
Michael Cera

I'll get back to you on that one, Billy Zane...

Dear Harry,

Billy Zane here. I think it's obvious I started this whole superhero movie craze with the adaptation of the popular comic strip The Phantom in 1994. If anyone would understand wanting recognition for their accomplishments, I think it would be you.

Zane out.

Maybe it's because you just don't "get" it, Ron...

Dear Harry,

Just because you put on an eyepatch and say you're "Bizarro Harry" does not give you the right to be an asshole. Apparently, you think this is the opposite of how you usually are, but in all reality it's just a slightly more amplified version of your every day self. There's nothing "bizarro" about it. Take away the eyepatch and I'd say you were just in one of your "good moods" as you'd call it.

Ron

Yeah, but what does your numerologist say?

Dear Harry,

Since the Zodiac change I noticed you are no longer a Leo, but a Cancer. Unfortunately, my astrologist says we are no longer compatible. We can still be friends...depending on the location of Venus in our respective horoscopes.

Love,

Ginny

Logic at work...

Dear Harry,

In Ron Reagan's new book, My Father at 100, he argues that his father, the late god amongst men, Ronald Reagan, should never have been elected to a second term in office because he may have already had Alzheimer's. I believe it's safe to say Ron Reagan is a socialist-Nazi, plain and simple.

Love,

Glenn Beck

THE HELL HE IS!

Dear Harry,

Jeff Bridges is a fag.

Love,

John Wayne

This letter is PERSONAL.

Dear Harry,

Your patronus charm is a stag? A stag?!? That's gotta be the wussiest animal in the history of all time ever! Shit, LaDainian Tomlinson's patronus is a sabretooth tiger. You don't fuck with a sabretooth tiger. You know how many stags I've had to scrape off the front of my Hummer?!? At least several!

Love is for queers,

Rex Ryan

You made Sean Penn cry!....Probably.

Dear Harry,

Whenever people think you're being mean-spirited, just tell them they don't understand British humour. That always shuts them up. Speaking of the Golden Globes, Mel Gibson has since been referring to me as the "Hitler of Comedy". I'm still not quite sure if he's trying to insult me or compliment me.

Love,

Ricky Gervais