That's a... charming nick name.

Dear Harry,

Just call me "Olllld Vagina Face."  Lando does.

Love,
Nien Nunb

I wouldn't fuck with this guy.

Dear Harry,

Please inform that pitiful excuse for a "Dark Lord," Voldermort, that it's rather imperative that he return my face now.  Also, the whole "slits-for-nose" look is completely unflattering on him.

Love,
THE Dark Lord, Venger

Jeeze... So SENSITIVE.

Dear Harry,

I'd just like to let you know that my existence makes COMPLETE sense, and that constantly being referred to as some sort of "cosmic joke" all the time is pretty hurtful.

Love,
Ted the Duck-Billed Platypus

Matt Damon, I'd like to introduce you to Tom Brady...

Dear Harry,

I threw the ball far. We win lot of game. I are pretty.

Love,

Tom Brady

O......kay...?

Dear Harry,

I'm not familiar with your work.

My best,
Bill

Censorship is dangerous.

Dear Harry,

I'm still waiting for people to dig me up and ask me if it's okay for them to censor my work.

Just waiting...

Love,
Mark Twain

Why did I give her my number?

Dear Harry,

Did I happen to text you my New Year's resolution this weekend? I forgot it. Seems like it was "Don't..." something. Grrr. This happens every year!

Love,
Lindsay Lohan