At least there weren't any Inferi around...

Dear Harry,

Apparently, a diet of SPAM and poptarts gives you scurvy. Go figure. But hey, we get a free cruuuuise!

Love,

The Carnival Splendor Passengers

Remember The Toothfairy?

Dear Harry,

What kind of CAD goes by "The Rock?"

Love,
Dwayne Johnson, Thespian

Moisture farming is totally worse than living in a cupboard.

Dear Harry,

I fucking hate my uncle, too.

Love,
Luke

Listen all-ya-all, it's the sabotage!

Dear Harry,

That son of a bitch R2 sabotaged my circuits so he and his butt buddy could stay together! I could have saved the fucking galaxy!

Love,
R5-D4

The secret to his fabulous hair: never washing it!

Dear Harry,

I guess zombies are about to become the big thing again. My friends tell me I'm the Robert Pattinson of the undead. What do you think?

Love,

Blake