Saturday, October 16, 2010
Remember me? I'm that snake you freed from captivity.
I just really wanted to thank you for your kindness. When
you freed me, I met the snake of my dreams the next day.
We got married and got an apartment. I made friends with
everyone in our building and we have good laughs every day!
My loads and loads of friends all got their physicals and they
are so healthy. They're going to live for a really really long time!
What about you? I'm sure you have so many friends that aren't
dead or anything!
Ted the snake
Friday, October 15, 2010
Our future's so bright, we gotta wear shades (also, the doctors require us to). Good luck getting out of that cupboard! Anything is possible (even if it takes a while)!
The Chilean Miners
P.S. CHI CHI, LE LE! CHI CHI, LE LE!
I'm pleased to share with you the latest remarkable, revolutionary new technological experience from Apple:
To commemorate this occasion, I've also enclosed with this letter, an ill-fitting black turtleneck. Welcome to the family.
Thanks for letting me borrow your invisibility cloak.
I swear, you write one good book and suddenly you're
Oh, I may have washed your cloak with some of my
red panties. Oops, my bad.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Bruce Willis is a ghost at the end of that fucking movie, and THAT'S why I can see him.
Haley Joel Osment
Why are these books about you again?
P.S. Could you tell that asshole Chris Columbus that I don't need to randomly steal things? My family's RICH. Thanks.
If you could've just taught everyone how to use that silencio spell, that would've been helpful.
Compostable Sun Chips Bags
Did you know they originally cast me to play you
in the film version of The Sorcerer's Stone?
We were 5 weeks into shooting and all of a sudden
Chris Columbus looks at me and says, "There's
something really wrong with you."
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Pop quiz, hot shot!
Your friend Ron just drank some poisoned mead. He's
foaming at the mouth and convulsing on the floor. What
do you do?
WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!?
Officer Jack Traven, LAPD
Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?
P.S. Your friend Ron is a dickweed. A tumbling, tumbling dickweed.
Monday, October 11, 2010
YOU ON SCARE TACTICS! HAHA! None of your friends died! Ron
and Seamus set you up! Your parents still died though. LET'S GET
No offense to India or anything, but we kind of wish Columbus had actually known where the hell he was going.
The Arawak Peoples
I know what you did last summer, and our department isn't very happy about it.
Mafalda Hopkirk, Improper Use of Magic Office
As you well know, even the biggest fuck-ups often times lead to positive results.
Happy Me Day,
P.S. This is the Spanish EXPLORER, not your sad director friend.