Awkward...

Dear Harry,

This is going to sound really bizarre, but I got a call from Macaulay Culkin the other day and he brought up a memory I had long supressed. For a few years after filming The Good Son, we became quite the close pair...perhaps too close. Since we parted I long suspected that part of me was missing. Mac felt this, too. When I answered the phone call from him, it suddenly occured to me what that missing piece was even before he said the words. Harry...I don't know how to explain this, but I believe we are your real parents. Please get in contact with my agent immediately.

Love,

Your fath...mothe...erm, Elijah