As we've already established, I have no life.
Thus, I've delved far deeper into the dank, hideous underbelly of the various fandoms that I either participate in, or simply laugh at, than most sane people (with lives) would ever dare. I've borne witness to the rise and fall and the aftermaths of the most incendiary flame wars, ship wars, slashfics, memes, twincest, mpreg, RANDOM INEFFECTUAL USE OF CAPSLOCK, trolls, lurkers, sockpuppets, fanfic plagiary scandals, lexicon hackings, RPGs, RPS, Harry fucking Draco, Harry fucking Severus, Harry fucking the giant squid while being sodomized by Voldermort while Buffy and Angel slow dance in the corner and Boromir touches hobbits and hobbits touch Legolas while he talks about yaoi and OMG HARRY AND HERMIONE ARE SO DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER YOU'RE JUST NOT READING BEHIND THE LINES HARD ENOUGH AND BTW WE ARE SOOOO NOT DELUSIONAL. (If you don't know what half of this shit means, trust me, you're a much happier person than I am.)
BUT. Nothing, and I repeat NOTHING has surpassed the level of sheer fucking insanity (and downright OMGWTFLULZ) of the Twilight fandom (okay, maybe the Harmony people). Thanks to Twilight (and its fanfiction), we no longer have to deal with the horror and the face-reddening humiliation of the reading the word "orgasm." No, dear reader, through her deft and subtle manipulation of literary metaphor AngstGoddess003 has taken the literal climax of the human/vampire sexual experience and turned it into a unicorn.
 | |
| This woman has just experienced multiple unigasms. UH-UNNNF. |
I mentally manifested the entire concept of the female orgasm into a unicorn.
Yes. A unicorn.
A very pretty, white, majestic, non existent mythical creature that everyone talks about, but you never actually see first hand.
That is… unless that hand belongs to a certain Edward Cullen.
It was like nothing I had ever felt before. Well, technically it was nothing I had ever felt before. I wondered if Edward even realized he granted me two pretty white unicorns.
The first time was great beyond all comparison. But then, just as I was coming down, I felt him shudder lightly beneath me and groan huskily into my neck while I had my hand wrapped as far around him as I could through his jeans. Then I felt… it… twitching in my palm while he continued rubbing me shakily and gasping against my skin. And the realization that I was giving Edward a unicorn of his very own made me fall over the edge once more.
And… God freaking bless unicorns. I made him unravel like that. Not Jessica Stanley or Lauren Mallory, but me.
Wide Awake, Chapter 33, "Macadamia Unicorns" (SERIOUSLY. NOT MAKING THIS UP. I READ THIS SHIT SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO)No, I'm not shitting you. Believe me, I really, REALLY wish I was. But... AngstGoddess003's genius really is... unparalleled. Ask any of her fans:
I LOVE this story, i read the uncensored version from LJ, loved every minute iof it! my husband and i are now using unicorns as our little inside jokes... - Cullenstwimistress
Okay first of all, I absolutely love it, no joke, I think I got a little obsessed. Ironically enough I read almost all of it at night till morning. Nice huh? I felt a little sway-ey ya know? Second, if you changed the names and some shit, make the town Bellingham or Sequim or something like that, this could totally be a book. A freakin' good one too. The kind of book that would top Stephenie Meyer's shit and J.K. Rowling's. - Nobody Needs VioletAnd.... So on. There's plenty more where that came from. This story has nearly 17,000 (yes, seventeen THOUSAND) reviews. Oh, and each and every one of the 53 chapters is a play off the name of a cookie or dessert or some... sweet tasty confection of romantic bliss. (I'M SERIOUSLY NOT MAKING THIS UP.) So. While you all go back to living your normal (?) lives, I'll be busy reading "Chapter 25: Mocha Desperation Sensations." (NO, REALLY! NOT.LYING.)
 |
| My Trapper Keeper will never be the same. |
