A Magical Dear Harry CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR!!!!

Dear Harry,

Since you're way more famous than Santa Clause, the nasty, and just about as popular as that Christ guy, I figured I'd write our Christmas list to you. (Plus, there's that whole thing about Santa not being real, so. There you go.)

I know it's kind of long, but I also know you're totally rich, so... making all our dreams come true really shouldn't be a problem.

Now, on with the listing!

~*~*~*~*~*~ All We Want for Christmas, Dear Harry ~*~*~*~*~*~

**Seriously, though.  You WANT to click on those links.  They're MY gifts to YOU dear reader.

They DO exist.

1.) Twilight Mom snuggie
Since I spend so much time mocking this series and its fandom I probably deserve to wear one anyway. :(

2.) Slapchop
Maybe if we stop having such boring tuna, we can stop having such boring lives.  Or so says Vince.

3.) 12 Barack Obama Chia Pets
Since this was undoubtedly the highpoint of his presidency.

4.) 27 boxes of Shake 'n' Bake chicken
This needs no explanation.

5.) Giant Sex and Vampire Semen explained. Satisfactorily.
(The musical.)

HIGUYZDRAKESSOCOOL OMFG

6.) For Jimmy to get the fuck back in his wheel chair and to stop making hit records and stuff.  
Seriously.  It's weird.

7.) For that unreleased episode where Sprklz wifeswaps Bedward the Hoorklutz with Jaykubwulf since she apparently likes behbehz as much as Sprklz' unsister to FINALLY be released
Balls.  We leaked it.  SORRY GUYS.  NOT GONNA HAPPEN NOW.

8.) Popov.  Like, a lot.
We have LOTS of feelings to burn out of us.

9.) This dog:

OH HAI I ATTRACT DUST

10.) Beef jerky
The choice of a Zombie Apocalypse generation.

The female orgasm.

11.) pnats
Teh kind Tood wears.


12.) Sprklriffic unigasms of delight
Three minimum.  MINIMUM.

13.) A case of Pepsi
For thirst.  Duh.

14.) Rent money
We have to sleep somewhere.  Your bed? Maybe? No? FINE.  WE'LL JUST CRAWL THROUGH YOUR WINDOW AND WATCH YOU SLEEP THEN.

15.) Trash bags
Raincoats.  Since we're homeless now.

NOMSADNESSINMAHBEARDNOM

16.) The Hope Diamond
It sparkulz.

17.) For George Lucas to stop dribbling egg salad sandwich all over the fucking place
No, really.  Click the link.  Life will make a lot more sense afterward.

18.) A new tent
For our own Amazing Horcrux Adventure.

OMGWTFUN

19.) Beef jerky: Part Deux

Nick wants to be super prepared.

20.) 3 Tauntaun sleeping bags 
Or one really BIG Taun-Taun sleeping bag.  Or three normal ones sewn together.  Either way.





21.) Cats
(the musical.)


22.) 4392743892747234239890423 pairs of shoes
For Nick's collection.

23.) 9 used tissues
For Katy's collection.

24.) 2 sets of Draco's toenail clippings
For my collection.

25.) 1 ALL EXPENSES PAID trip to your theme park (for 3)
We're actually pretty serious about this one.  We'd Dear Harry the hell out of that place.

26.) SHUT UP WESLEY
Never stops being satisfying.

27.) MOAR BEEF JERKY MOARRRRR
No, like, REALLY REALLY prepared.

28.) 3 Umbrellas
The cocktail kind.  We enjoy our tropical cocktails FESTIVELY! in the Trader Vick's in hell.

29.) Oh, and, uh... world peace.  Or something.

/THE END. 

That was.... riveting. I guess.

Dear Harry,

We at Summit Entertainment are thrilled to announce that the Blu-Ray release of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse will feature an exclusive audio commentary track with Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart!

We know that you fanatical, fantasy-loving types who all still seem to have LiveJournal accounts for some reason, tend to waffle back and forth between fandoms, so we thought we'd find some Harry Potter sites to send some additional promotional materials.  Through our research, we found this site to be one of the most popular and significant within the extensive realm of Harry Potter fansites! Thus, we've included with this letter an exclusive peak at Pattinson and Stewart's commentary, a feature we're certain will enhance even the casual (if there is such a thing) Twilight fan's enjoyment of this historical cinematic event.  Enjoy!

Love,
Summit Entertainment

[Check out the staggering conversational abilities of Pattinson and KStew after the jump!]

How does one WRITE to twilight, exactly?

Dear Harry,

Something strange happened to me today.  As I was wasting my "real" life away in favor of a more fulfilling one in front of my computer, I stumbled across this site: www.letterstotwilight.com.  I know, I was just as surprised as you are.  Apparently, your fans aren't the only ones who can write letters -- Twilighters can, too! (When they're not too busy angsting and sparkling, I'd imagine.)

Letting my curiosity get the best of me, I spent some time poking around this bizarro, parallel, vamped-out universe, and stumbled across this entry, in which the author mulls about the similarities and differences between Twilight and your fandoms.  Now, as if this weren't already uncanny enough, I nearly blew my wand when I read this following passage:

In fact, Harry Potter crazies are probably weirder than Twi-crazies because of the magic-aspect. And their crazy fans tend to be boys who dress up like boy wizards. Weird. What if there is a LTHP (Letters to Harry Potter)-like site out there right now that makes fun of crazy Harry Potter fans like we do with Twi-fans?

 THAT, Dear Harry, was too much for me to ignore.  I had to say something.  So, I quickly penned this response on your behalf...