Maybe it's because you just don't "get" it, Ron...

Dear Harry,

Just because you put on an eyepatch and say you're "Bizarro Harry" does not give you the right to be an asshole. Apparently, you think this is the opposite of how you usually are, but in all reality it's just a slightly more amplified version of your every day self. There's nothing "bizarro" about it. Take away the eyepatch and I'd say you were just in one of your "good moods" as you'd call it.

Ron

Buuuuuuuuuuuuurn.

Dear Harry,

You're obviously too stupid to understand that the prank involves placing a flaming bag of feces on a doorstep, not a professor's desk; however, the "Trent Reznor Sucks!" graffiti on my office wall was a nice touch. Touche.

Snape

Angst no more.

Dear Harry,

I don't know why everyone is writing to you.  After all, I'm the good-looking one with the enviable existence.

Not to mention that I'm fucking awesome.

Love,
Harry Potter the Puppet Pal

Totally valid question, Draco...

Potter,


Why are these books about you again?

Fuck off,
Draco

P.S. Could you tell that asshole Chris Columbus that I don't need to randomly steal things? My family's RICH.  Thanks.

Have you seen a frog?

Dear Harry,

Way to steal my spot in the prophecy, dick!

Sincerely,
Neville Longbottom