Maybe it's because you just don't "get" it, Ron...

Dear Harry,

Just because you put on an eyepatch and say you're "Bizarro Harry" does not give you the right to be an asshole. Apparently, you think this is the opposite of how you usually are, but in all reality it's just a slightly more amplified version of your every day self. There's nothing "bizarro" about it. Take away the eyepatch and I'd say you were just in one of your "good moods" as you'd call it.

Ron

V for Very creepy...

Dear Harry,

Please stop sending me locks of your friend Ron's hair! I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. Also, for the last time, Mila Kunis and I did not "shag in real life."

Love,
Natalie Portman

Let's see you get a reservation at Dorsia NOW...

Dear Harry,

Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?

Love,
Patrick Bateman

P.S. Your friend Ron is a dickweed.  A tumbling, tumbling dickweed.

I'm the face of post racial America. Deal with it Cate Blanchett...

Dear Harry,

YOU ON SCARE TACTICS! HAHA! None of your friends died! Ron
and Seamus set you up! Your parents still died though. LET'S GET
SOME SANDWICHES!

Love,
Tracy Morgan