Lucius has some explaining to do...

Dear Harry,

They aren't really albino peacocks. He makes his house elf bleach them twice a month.

Love,

Anonymous

Totally valid question, Draco...

Potter,


Why are these books about you again?

Fuck off,
Draco

P.S. Could you tell that asshole Chris Columbus that I don't need to randomly steal things? My family's RICH.  Thanks.