I wouldn't fuck with this guy.

Dear Harry,

Please inform that pitiful excuse for a "Dark Lord," Voldermort, that it's rather imperative that he return my face now.  Also, the whole "slits-for-nose" look is completely unflattering on him.

Love,
THE Dark Lord, Venger

Love, Fox

Dear Harry,

Tom Marvolo Riddle, who you know as "The Dark Lord Voldemort," is actually an extraterrestrial placed here on Earth by the U.S. government to cover up the existence of OTHER extraterrestrials by making the world think that the source of ultimate evil is NOT, in fact, extraterrestrials and smallpox-carrying bees, but is, instead, a dark wizard. Watch yourself.

Love,
Special Agent Fox Mulder, F.B.I.