The sperm doesn't fall far from...

Dear Harry,

It's your dad. Congrats on being awesome! You're almost as awesome as I was and I didn't even have to do half the shit you've done to be twice as awesome as you are. Too bad you didn't die like I did because your awesomeness would have been preserved. You'll probably screw up somewhere down the road.

Love,
Your dad, James

I think I can make it work this time...

Dear Harry,

I know I don't have the best track record, but if you could set me up with that minx Minerva McGonogall, I think it would be splendid. Also, I make a point of not owning ovens anymore.

Sincerely,

Ted Hughes