Columbus Day is a second rate holiday, anyway...

Dear Harry,

No offense to India or anything, but we kind of wish Columbus had actually known where the hell he was going.

Love,
The Arawak Peoples

Halloween movie time has begun.

Dear Harry,

I know what you did last summer, and our department isn't very happy about it.

Love,
Mafalda Hopkirk, Improper Use of Magic Office

Do YOU have your own holiday, yet?

Dear Harry,

As you well know, even the biggest fuck-ups often times lead to positive results.

Happy Me Day,
Christopher Columbus

P.S. This is the Spanish EXPLORER, not your sad director friend.

Sorry, Nicolette...

 Dear Harry,

You've only truly known success once you've seen your own Behind the Music episode over 200 times.

Love,
Leif Garrett

Have you seen a frog?

Dear Harry,

Way to steal my spot in the prophecy, dick!

Sincerely,
Neville Longbottom

Violent global conflicts kind of suck, too...

Dear Harry,

Socialism was more fun than polio.

Love,
Franklin D. Roosevelt

Not in the Theatrical version...

Dear Harry,

Lincoln shot first.

Love,
J.W.B.