Tough Love.

Dear Harry,

Remember in my new book book in script form play when I made you and your young son watch your parents get murdered?

Yeah, that was fucking DARK.

All the best to you and your family!

Cheers,

J.K.

Locker Room Talk

Dear Harry,

I didn't want him inside me. But then he said he was famous so I had to.

Please Help,

The White House

This is really happening.

Dear Harry,

We didn't get a vote.

Love,

Taco Bowls

LeVar Burton for the MOTHAFUGGIN WIN

Dear Harry,

Love,
Geordi

TWO Starbucks?!?!

Dear Harry,

Okay, okay I'll go, but can I at least stay until the lease on my sweet apartment is up? It's right between two Starbucks and I like to Eeny Meeny Miny Moe which one I go to every day.

Love,

President Hosni Mubarak

Who's your accountant? Willie Nelson?

Dear Harry,

I have until 2015 to file last year's taxes, right?

Love,

Wesley Snipes

Just as long as he's NOT in charge of me...

Dear Harry,

The Egyptian people have spoken. They not only want Charles in charge of their days, but their nights, too.

Love,

Scott Baio

Totally saw this letter coming...

Dear Harry,

President Obama was right about one thing in his State of the Union address when he said, "The future is ours to win". The future is a tangible thing. I know because I had it when I was alive and I had it buried with me when I died. You Americans will never find it!

(Please don't Wikipedia where I'm buried.)

Love,
Nostradamus

NSFW (Not Safe For Work)

Dear Harry,

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN I'M FUCKING INELIGIBLE TO RUN FOR MAYOR!?!?! THAT'S BULLSHIT!!! WHO MAKES THE RULES AROUND HERE!?!?!? THOSE ASSHOLES ARE OUT TO GET ME CAUSE THEY CAN'T FUCKING DEAL WITH SOMEONE AS FUCKING INTELLIGENT AS ME AND WITH SUCH A BIG DICK RUNNING THINGS!!!! THOSE SAME ASSHOLES ARE TRYING TO FUCKING TELL ME THAT MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING READ THE RULES BEFORE QUITTING MY WHITE HOUSE JOB TO RUN FOR MAYOR OF FUCKING CHICAGO!!! I'm fan of your books.

Love,

Rahm Emanuel

How does one SUCK on a chili dog?

Dear Harry,

People yell at me that they want to hear their favorite song "Jack and Diane". I refuse to acknowledge their pleas until they refer to it as what it really is: A LITTLE DITTY! Pisses me off!

Love,

John Mellencamp Cougar Mellencamp John Cougar Cougar John

True story...

Dear Harry,

Admit it. You secretly like me. I'm like that show Frasier. You groan when you first see me on screen, but you watch for a few minutes and you love me.

Love,

Ryan Reynolds

That...makes...sense...

Dear Harry,

People have been asking me what I meant when I said yesterday that if a dog walked up to Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers and Chicago quarterback Jay Cutler, the dog would lick Rodgers' hand and bite Cutler's leg. Dogs like winners, Harry. They also like cheese. That probably has something to do with it.

Love,

Terry Bradshaw

Starring Michael Cera as you've never seen him before...

Dear Harry,

I just thought I would tell you the exciting news of a new movie role I have coming up. I play a witty, young guy who seems shy, but really has this great confidence underneath...which actually creates an endearing sweetness about him. I thought I'd branch out a bit from the familiar.

Love,
Michael Cera

I'll get back to you on that one, Billy Zane...

Dear Harry,

Billy Zane here. I think it's obvious I started this whole superhero movie craze with the adaptation of the popular comic strip The Phantom in 1994. If anyone would understand wanting recognition for their accomplishments, I think it would be you.

Zane out.

Maybe it's because you just don't "get" it, Ron...

Dear Harry,

Just because you put on an eyepatch and say you're "Bizarro Harry" does not give you the right to be an asshole. Apparently, you think this is the opposite of how you usually are, but in all reality it's just a slightly more amplified version of your every day self. There's nothing "bizarro" about it. Take away the eyepatch and I'd say you were just in one of your "good moods" as you'd call it.

Ron

Yeah, but what does your numerologist say?

Dear Harry,

Since the Zodiac change I noticed you are no longer a Leo, but a Cancer. Unfortunately, my astrologist says we are no longer compatible. We can still be friends...depending on the location of Venus in our respective horoscopes.

Love,

Ginny

Logic at work...

Dear Harry,

In Ron Reagan's new book, My Father at 100, he argues that his father, the late god amongst men, Ronald Reagan, should never have been elected to a second term in office because he may have already had Alzheimer's. I believe it's safe to say Ron Reagan is a socialist-Nazi, plain and simple.

Love,

Glenn Beck

THE HELL HE IS!

Dear Harry,

Jeff Bridges is a fag.

Love,

John Wayne

This letter is PERSONAL.

Dear Harry,

Your patronus charm is a stag? A stag?!? That's gotta be the wussiest animal in the history of all time ever! Shit, LaDainian Tomlinson's patronus is a sabretooth tiger. You don't fuck with a sabretooth tiger. You know how many stags I've had to scrape off the front of my Hummer?!? At least several!

Love is for queers,

Rex Ryan

You made Sean Penn cry!....Probably.

Dear Harry,

Whenever people think you're being mean-spirited, just tell them they don't understand British humour. That always shuts them up. Speaking of the Golden Globes, Mel Gibson has since been referring to me as the "Hitler of Comedy". I'm still not quite sure if he's trying to insult me or compliment me.

Love,

Ricky Gervais